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August 26, 2019 / Culture, Playlists

03 Playlist

Even hot girls get sad too, okay 😞

I’m the type that when I’m sad/heartbroken/depressed I like to totally and wholly lean into for at least a few days.

But after that it’s time to suck it up and bounce back.

This playlist is for those first few days. Those days where you can literally feel the weight of your heart in your chest, when you cry in public because you just can’t help it, when it feels like your soul will never recover.

This time I’m gonna do things a lil different and go through each song and basically explain it + why I included it.

You Get Me So High – literally one of my favorite songs of all times. Every. Single. Word. is just so, so relatable.

K – your head looks unsettled, Child. This song pairs perfectly with a blunt and the type of introspection you do after getting high to get away from that feeling of wanting to die. TMI?

Daddy Issues – we’ve all got them.

Acquainted – not necessarily super sad, but I swear the Weeknd is singing about me in this song so it’s a nice little reminder to myself that I’m toxic af and have a lot to work on :////

Thick and Thin – this song is a not so subtle reminder that sometimes we’re NOT bigger than our mistakes and that part of life is realizing that WE don’t get to make that choice about ourselves for other people.

Nights Like This – ON NIGHTS LIKE THIS SHORTY I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK OF US!! Enough said.

Faking It – we are not okay 🤣

Without You – one a scale from one to Lana Del Rey how sad are you??

Pretty When You Cry – we cry so much because we’re pretty when we cry. Peak Lana, a slow, depressing vibe.

Homemade Dynamite – I know this song is supposed to be about a party, but to me it’s more about fucking up all your relationships with your own personal brand of homemade dynamite. Tragic.

Liability – for when you realize that you’re the difficult one, but that it’s also okay because a big part of growing up is coming to terms with the idea that sometimes you have to be your own best friend. Warning: this song is the most painful song in the playlist.

Hard Feelings/Loveless – ultimate break up song. Don’t say I didnt warn you.

Sober II (Melodrama) – coming to terms with how fucking depressing life is once those fleeting moments of happiness are gone. Gotta wonder why we bother?

I Don’t Wanna Love You Anymore – self explanatory.

Malibu Nights – I got way too much time to be this hurt. This song is the epitome of being alone at night with just your thoughts and your sad girl emotions.

Writer in the Dark – an ode to all the girls that feel things so, so strongly.

Taking Responsibility – bruh, this song gives me that feeling in my chest, ya know. Where tf is home?

But remember, we only give ourselves a finite amount of time to be sad, okay?? Let’s not let the shit show consume us.

July 18, 2019 / Hoe Tips, Sex Work

30 Frequently Asked Questions About Stripping

Look, I’m human, okay?

I get tired of answering the same questions over. And over. And over again.

~~Especially when they’re kinda dumb.~~

So, I’m putting all the frequently asked questions I get about stripping in one place (here) and will periodically update this post as needed.

1. Can I strip without getting naked/showing my body/taking my top off?

Nope.

Screenshot of the definition of stripping from a dictionary: 1) remove all coverings from 2) leave bare of accessories or fittings.

2. Can I strip without people touching me?

Also, no.

Even in cities where it’s “zero contact,” expect contact.

Now what you don’t have to put up with is customers touching you inappropriately. Don’t let anyone touch your pussy (unless they’re paying extra and in which case is none of my business), your actual asshole (same applies), your neck (unless you’re into that sort of thing), etc.

Stripping is highly sexual, but it DOES require boundaries.

3. What do I do with my coochie hair?

Keep it cute aka groomed.

Wax it, shave, trim it, who cares- most customers don’t. Also, remember a strip club is generally dark as fuck so people aren’t really able to check for your body hair like that.

4. Can I strip with insert bodily insecurity here?

Yes. Get over your insecurities and work with what you got or pay to get it changed 🤷🏽‍♀️.

5. Do I have to suck dick/have sex to be a stripper?

Literally no one is requiring you to do that.

6. How do I find a club to work at?

Google clubs near you.
Check out their social media profiles.
Go to the club in person as a customer.

7. What do I do if a customer touches me inappropriately?

My general rule is three strikes and they’re out.

If I have to physically remove your hands and verbally tell you to cut it out then the next time you try it I’m cutting the dance short.

Get your money upfront if you can and if you can’t, feel free to walk away without it. Usually, these types of dudes don’t even have that much to begin with.

8. Do I have to get on stage?

Yes, unless you want to pay the DJ extra to skip your name, but that varies by club and some clubs don’t allow you to skip stage sets at all.

9. How much do I have to show?

Depends on the club- some clubs are totally topless, some clubs require you to wear pasties over your nipples, some are fully nude. Ask the club.

10. Do I need to know pole tricks?

No, but sometimes they help.

11. How do I get hired?

Go to the club.
Ask to see the hiring manager.
Tell them you’d like to get hired as a dancer. They might ask you about your experience, where you’ve worked before, etc. Make sure to have your ID and social security card just in case they ask.
Sometimes they’ll either do a body check or make you audition on stage which will probably just be three songs on stage (like a regular stage set).

12. How do I get my money?

You either pick it up or collect it yourself or a money “sweeper” (who’s an actual club employee0 will come by and bag it up for you. Some clubs then allow the sweeper to give you the bag or they’ll hold on to it till the end of your shift or close and give it to you then.

If you’re dancing in a section or for a customer or on stage with another girl or a group of girls then the same applies, but you’ll have to split the money equally.

13. My boyfriend doesn’t want me to strip, what do I do?

Leave him.

14. What do I tell my family if I don’t want them to find out that I dance?

Tell them that you bartend or waitress at an establishment with similar hours to the strip club you work at.

15. I’m nervous, what do I do?

Read this post here and boss up for the check 🤷🏽‍♀️.

16. How much do you make?

Nunya.

17. I’m insert underage age and I want to strip…

Leave me alone.*

*Try actually living life first.

18. Will tattoos or piercings negatively impact my tips?

I doubt it.

19. How do I talk to customers?

The goal is to make each customer feel super special and that they’re the most interesting person in the world.

20. I didn’t get hired, now what?

Try again, either at the same club just at a different time or at another club.

21. I don’t have any experience, I’m scared, etc. Will I be alright?

No one starts out with any experience in the beginning. You’ll be fine.

22. What’s your workout plan/what do you eat?

………. yikes, sorry. I rarely workout and my nutrition plan is shit.

Let me know what y’all figure out though 😩.

23. How do I give a lap dance?

What this video.

24. I live in Houston, can I come to the club with you and have you show me the ropes?

No, sorry.

25. How do I twerk?

Watch this and this and then practice.

26. What do I wear?

Get you a pair of pleasers and an outfit from your local adult store to start out.

27. How do I deal with rude customers?

Say fuck them. Shit on their entire existence. Leave. Do whatever you want to do. Just whatever you don’t get in your feelings about it and let them mess with your ability to make money.

28. What’s it like to dance in this city?

Girl, idk.

Feel free to ask me about Houston, though.

29. What do I do with all the money I make?

Pay your bills and save, save, save.

30. Can I dance part time/on the side?

Yeah, of course.

There you have it.

Now please don’t ask me again 😩.

Feel free to leave any additional/general questions you have in the comments.

June 8, 2019 / Culture, Hoessentials

Hoessentials June 2019

Aaaaaaand, we’re back.

Welcome back to Half & Bad after my lil hiatus. It was necessary to focus solely on some life things for a bit, but now that all my ducks are in a row we’re moving onward and upward!!

Onto June’s Hoessentials– the things that I absolutely cannot live without this month.

Peach & Lily Matcha Pudding Antioxidant Cream

Now, y’all know I’m all about my skincare and regularly feature skincare products, but listen…

Talk about a holy grail skincare product, omg. This moisturizer is IT.

I originally picked this moisturizer up because I was looking for something that had niacinamide, a buzzing ingredient that’s said to help with acne and have anti-inflammatory properties. So, you know I had to try something with niacinamide in it immediately.

The Peach & Lily Matcha Pudding Antioxidant Cream was the only thing I could find in Ulta with niacinamide, but it was literally God’s Plan that I took this home with me. Matcha is also my all-time favorite flavor, so it was truly meant to be.

I get that having both “pudding” and “cream” in the same name is a lil redundant, but the effects are NOT. I can always tell when I don’t remember to moisturize with this product, because when I DO my skin is noticeably softer looking (and feeling obvi) and my skin tone is more even.

This product is “spiked with matcha, cape lilac extract, niacinamide and adenosine” and “skin is blasted with antioxidants and brightening and firming ingredients.”

Disclaimer: Peach & Lily are a certifiable Korean skincare brand and while they do seem to be cruelty-free, I can’t find anything supporting that they’re vegan ☹️

Amie & Fanna’s StripTrip

If you ever wanted to take a look behind the scenes and at the women that make up American urban strip clubs, WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY!!!

Amie & Fanna did such a good job of examining the highs and lows of this lifestyle, at honestly portraying the women they encountered, and doing so all through a feminist lense.

Link: https://www.svtplay.se/video/22228350/amie-och-fannas-striptrip-english-version

Milk Hydro Grip Primer

Y’all… this primer is STRIPPER and HOUSTON, TX SUMMER approved!!!!!!

This makeup primer is a June Hoessential and has fucking CANNABIS, blue agave, aloe water, cherry, blossom, HYALURONIC ACID, and B vitamins all while being vegan and cruelty-free!!!

You can definitely feel the honey when applying and it feels little jelly/sticky when going on, but this primer is sooooo good. Like SO GOOD.

Meg Thee Stallion

Let thee Hot Girl Summer commence.

Stream Fever and drive the boat.

LuMee Duo

I bought this dual sided light up phone case so that I could take selfies in the club 🤷🏽‍♀️.

It works and it’s super cool!

I have the Duo and it has LED lights on the front and on the back and with the push of a button you can dim either light or switch back and forth!

Definitely a June Hoessential cause now all my pictures from the club, the car, basically anytime night time scenario all look BOMB.

Summer is HERE, don’t get left behind.

Make sure your skin is glowing and your confidence is on level 101.

April 26, 2019 / College, Empowered Women

How to Survive Finals Week

It’s that time of year again… finals weekis among us. Most of us are somewhere between freaking the fuck out and just #stressed.

Finals is a time of cramming, late nights, lots of caffeine, and even more urgency.

Have no fear: I’m sharing with you my guide to surviving finals week.

As a graduating senior, this guide has gotten me through many finals and clear on my way to semester breaks.

This is how I personally don’t go absolutely nuts during finals week.

Take some time for self-care.

In between study sessions and office hours, try to find some time to take care of yourself!

Face masks

My go-to self-care treat is a face mask! There’s something therapeutic and just utterly relaxing about slathering on a good skincare product and letting it work its magic on my face.

You can get back to studying while wearing the mask or use the 15 minutes to just chill tf out.

You can find face masks at your local store for as little as $2 or go on ahead and treat yourself with a pricier option!

Get a massage

If you can spare a single hour, I promise getting a massage will be SO worth it. Sitting at a desk, hunched over a computer bogged down with stress and looming exams can do a real number on your body both physically and mentally. A good massage will alleviate allllll of that. The physical benefits alone will improve your ability to study more effectively!

Look on Groupon or call different massage parlors in your area to score a deal!

Exercise

Get that blood flowing!

Keeping up with your workouts during finals week will give you a sense of stability and will also help clear your head and provide your body with a break from sitting down.

I prefer to go for a run outside during finals week because I really think the fresh air makes a HUGE difference when it comes to my mental clarity.

Do whatever makes YOU and your body happy! Yoga, weightlifting, a quick walk with the pup will all have the same effect of getting you moving and giving your mind a break from the books.

Happy Hour

Happy Hours still stand during finals week, in case you weren’t aware…

Going out for a quick drink and some bar apps won’t hurt anybody. Just exercise self-control and make sure it’s only one drink and doesn’t turn into an all-night rager.

Stay invigorated!

You can’t pour from an empty cup!!

Stay hydrated

Drink water! Have a cup of tea! Make sure your body and brain are working properly!

Your organs need water and your brain is an organ. To ward off mental fog, burnout, headaches, etc. water is your best friend.

Feed yourself

Nutrition is just as important as staying hydrated, especially when you’re working long and hard!

Maybe swap out the comfort junk food with a nutritious meal or smoothie. Your body will love you for it and you will feel much more energized!

My go-to “fast” food is a microwavable Amy’s meal and when I have more time to cook at home, I love to bake salmon and sweet potato fries!

Take a few minutes to reconnect with yourself

Just a few minutes of no screen time, or stretching, or hopping in the shower makes all the difference for me when it comes to studying for long periods of time.

I promise, a 5-10 minute break will not make or break your exam grade.

Have a plan of attack.

MAJOR KEY ALERT

Have a study plan

Having a study plan is my most important suggestion.

Know exactly what you need to study, what you need to know, when you need to know it by, and when you’re going to study it.

Staying organized and having a study schedule will make things seem more manageable, you’ll be less likely to miss something important, and it provides a light at the end of the tunnel to work towards!!

The Pomodoro technique

I LOVE and swear by the Pomodoro technique, especially when personally tailored for your needs!

The Pomodoro technique is basically setting a timer for 25 minutes (or whatever time you choose), working diligently for those 25 minutes, and then taking 5-10 minute breaks after each 25 minute period!

I get so much more done using this technique and I effectively avoid burnout!

After each study period, I usually spend my breaks scrolling social media, watching Netflix, reading for fun, etc.

Study smarter, not harder, my friends!

What are your finals week survival hacks?

March 13, 2019 / Hoe Tips, Sex Work

How to Talk to Customers: 51 Conversation Starters + Tips for Strippers

Welcome to How to Talk to Customers… FOR STRIPPERS (obvi).

This post is gonna go over how to talk to strip club customers in a way that leads to more money in your pocket.

I’ll be writing this post using my own knowledge, tips and tricks from other strippers, and also using some non-specific conversation tips from other industries that I think need to be used by dancers in our industry!

I’ve said time and time again that the most successful strippers aren’t just the most ~attractive~ strippers in the club- it’s the ones who not only rely on their looks, but also on their hustle.

Being able to hold a conversation goes a looooooooong way ($$$) in the club.

Conversation Starters + The Initial Approach

That’s the topic of this post.

This post is basically a list of what to first say to initiate a conversation with a potential customer and tips and tricks to make the conversation easier to keep going.

This post is broken up into a few parts that are based on some environmental factors:

General tips

Body language

The first words that should come out of your mouth

Day shift specific conversation starters

Night shift specific conversation starters

After hours specific conversation starters

Approaching groups

Conversation no-nos

Disclaimer: any of these tips can be used in any situation if you play it right!!

So, let’s get to it so you can make this moneyyyyyy!

Related post: Preparing to be a Stripper + Everything You Need to Know

General Tidbits

Conversation skills are necessary

2. Quiet =/= disinterested. A quiet customer DOES NOT always mean they aren’t interested in you! Some guys are shy, new to the whole thing, broody/hard to get, etc.

3. Never start with “do you want a dance?”

4. Don’t talk dirty if it’s not YOU

5. The key is to get them talking about themselves

6. Stick with open ended questions.Aka not questions that require a strictly yes/no answer. Your questions should lead to more information which leads to new directions to take the conversation!

7. Don’t completely hide your intelligence. The “bimbo stripper” act is so 1990s.

8. Keep track of your lies

9. Don’t spend too much time with one customer without any form of compensation

10. Being on autopilot is your worst enemy

11. Smile for god’s sake

12. Try to remember who you’re talking to. It’s never good if you’re talking to someone you’ve already talked to before and they realize you don’t remember them.

13. Don’t fear rejection

Body Language

Your body talks.

14. Do your best to keep your body in full view, regardless of where you’re sitting in relation to the customer

15. Too early physical contact can lead to unclear boundaries about what is acceptable without payment.

16. If you approach a customer at a table:

Stay in full view
Lean in to them

17. If you approach a customer in a section/on a couch:

Sit on your knees or cross your legs
- Keep it sexy and playful!

Lean against the railing
- This is my personal fave cause it can actually be kind of intimate to be leaning against the railing/borders of a section with a customer.

Sit next to the customer on the top of the couches
- You’ll look like you belong

18. If you approach a customer at the bar:

Lean against the bar, but you keep your body language open to the customer

Those First Words…

The first couple things you say to a customer are v important. If you approach a customer with respect things will tend to go in your favor!

Hoe tip: always, always, always greet the customer and introduce yourself!! Even if it’s not the first thing you say to someone, it should be somewhere in the beginning of the conversation.

19. “Hi, I’m…”

20. “Hi, how are you?”

21. “Hi, you look like you need some company”

22. “You look lonely/bored”

23. “Whatcha drinking?”

24. “Where are you from”

25. Compliment something about the customer

26. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

Day Shift

In my experience, conversational skills are most used during the day shift. Customers generally aren’t in a party hard type of mood and are more interested in you.

27. “Are you here on your lunch break?

28. “Are you sneaking away from the office/playing hooky?”

29. If they’re eating the buffet (🤢) ask: “How’s the food?”

30. “What do you do for fun?”

31. “Have you been here before?”

32. “What do you do?”

33. Talk about what’s on the TV

My overall day shift vibe: witty, friendly

Night Shift

34. “What’s the occasion?”

35. “What brings you here?” aka a nice way to ask why the fuck are you here.

36. “Have you been here before?” (A true classic)

37. “How was your day?”

38. “Ready to unwind?”

39. Compliment the girl on stage

My night shift vibes: flirty/dirty, good time with personal attention

After Hours

40. “Where were you before finding your way here?” Most people end up at the booty club once the local bars and clubs close

41. “What’s the occasion?”

42. “How’s your night going so far?”

My after-hour vibes: party girl, let’s keep it going to the AM

If you need more tips on working at an after hours/urban strip club, I got you.

Approaching Groups

43. “Heyyyyy guys!” (A classic)

44. Acknowledge everyone first, before focusing on a specific person in the group. People are sensitive and might fuck with your money if they feel that you were rude/left them out

45. Latch on to one person in the group (after you greet everybody)

46. “Who’s the guest of honor?”

47. “You guys look like you are up to no good!”

Sticky Subjects

As a general rule, avoid these subjects:

48. Religion

49. Politics (unless he brings it up first)

50. Family

51. Your shift details (such as how much money you’ve already made, how shitty it is, when you usually work, etc.)

February 19, 2019 / Culture, Hoessentials

Hoessentials February 2019

This month’s hoessentials are the things that I find myself picking up over and over again. Everything on this list is something that I have been using almost daily for the entire month of February!

Tea Tree Oil

Ever since I switched from birth control pill to an IUD (which I LOVE), my hormonal acne has been ruining my life (not really, but sometimes it can feel like that).

So, around the start of the new year I decided I needed to really get serious about skincare and ever since I’ve been trying out new products and sticking to my skincare routine.

My newest holy grail item is Tea Tree Oil.

All the social media dermatologists (lol) that I follow recommend using tea tree oil for acne, so when I finally found a 100% organic and affordable option, I immediately bought it.

And thank god I did!!

I’ve been using it for about three weeks now and I’ve seen a major improvement in the hormonal acne along my jaw and chin area. In three weeks, it went from a decent amount of acne in that area to now only one or two bumps and discoloration from the acne scars (which I will tackle later, I’m just glad the actual acne is leaving)!

I first used it as a spot treatment after using a witch-hazel toner, but now I just add a few drops to my toner. I just add three to four drops to my toner-soaked cotton pad and apply all over my face.

Fair warning: It does sting/tingle for about a minute afterwards and my face does get a little red. I don’t mind it though because it works for me.

Disclaimer: I’m not a dermatologist. This is just my personal opinion and experience with tea tree oil.

Get Your Shit Together by Sarah Knight

I treat Sarah Knight books like they’re my bibles.

I’ve previously talked about how You Do You, another Sarah Knight book, changed my life, so of course when she dropped a new edition to her “A No Fucks Given Guide” collection, I immediately bought it and the accompanying journal!

Get Your Shit Together is all about “how to stop worrying about what you should do so you can finish what you need to do and start doing what you want to do.”

At this time in my v busy life this book has been both a friend and a saving grace to me. It’s helping me to strategize, focus, and commit to my goals in a way that isn’t like talking to the advisor at career services on campus (who are USELESS).

Sarah guides you through the “small shit, the tough shit, and the DEEP shit” so that you can take control of your life and get your shit together (whatever that looks like to you).

100/10 I will always recommend Sarah Knight to anyone who’s looking to ~personally develop~.

LOVE Condoms

LOVE condoms are distributed by the AIDS Healthcare Foundation and they believe in this ~radical~ notion that condoms “must be readily available and affordable for everyone who needs them.”

This is a literalhoessential.

I’ve told y’all about how my vagina is super sensitive and how I’ve had trouble finding a condom that doesn’t fuck up my pH balance and that doesn’t result in a yeast infection…

Well, I’ve finally found one. I would personally like to thank Jesus, Sarah Knight, and the women’s clinic where I got my IUD.

I actually came across the LOVE condoms when I finally opened the “goody bag” I got from the women’s clinic after getting my IUD inserted. It’s been like four months, but I finally opened it and saw it was a pamphlet and a bunch of these red condoms. So, I was like, ok cool, it’s only been four months so let me try these cute lil condoms out.

I knew pretty much immediately that they were my new go to brand of condoms. Fuck any drugstore brand, these are it.

They don’t break ✔️

They don’t feel like sandpaper ✔️

They don’t fuck up my sensitive vagina ✔️

They have an amazing mission ✔️

What more can a person ask for??

Grocery Store Iced Coffee

This month, I made the executive decision to stop spending $6 a day at Starbucks.

I am absolutely gutted about it, but for the sake of my bank account, I knew I needed to reevaluate the relationship between my debit card and the coffeehouse.

What I was NOT about to do is go without my morning (and sometimes midday) iced coffee. So, I went to my local grocery store, went to their fridge aisle, and bought the best-looking iced coffee they had.

Every morning, I now pour my OWN cup of iced coffee and head out the door.

At first, I hated it (#petty), but now it is once again the highlight of my day (sad or nah??).

The grocery store carton of iced coffee is $4. I have to re-up once a week, meaning I now spend around $16 on iced coffee a month, compared to the $132 I used to spend going to Starbucks five times a week.

Look at your own coffee receipts and do with this information what you will 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Motivational Meme of the Month

Just remember- no one can out do you.

Runner Up: Re-useable Straws

This month has a runner-up hoessential because I can’t mention my daily iced coffee without mentioning my re-usable straw!!

It’s a stainless-steel straw that I use instead of getting a plastic or paper straw that just has to be thrown away or recycled later on.

I’m all about saving the planet and you should be too! It’s literally one of the smallest and EASIEST things you can do to be a lil more environmentally friendly!

Plus, I swear to god that my drinks taste better coming out of this straw. Don’t ask me how, they just do.