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My Experience with Getting an IUD

IUD - half and bad

After years and years of being on birth control pills, I decided I needed a switch. I had been dreaming of a birth control method that wasn’t a part of my daily life for the longest and I honestly was having some trouble remembering to take the pill at the same time every day, so I knew I needed to change methods ASAP.

*Choosing your method of birth control is a highly personal decision that should be done by YOU and your healthcare provider.*

After doing my own research and consulting with an educator (more on that later) I settled on getting the non-hormonal copper IUD!

I came to this decision pretty easy, tbh. I knew that I wanted OFF of the pill, I knew I couldn’t handle the arm implant method, I didn’t want to have to deal with remembering to change a patch or a ring, so naturally the only effective method of birth control left was an IUD.

The only thing that was holding me back was all the horror stories of the insertion process and side effects, but I figured no pain no gain and ANYTHING was betting than getting pregnant #realtalk.

WTF is an IUD??

An IUD, or intrauterine device, is a tiny, flexible, t-shaped device that’s inserted into your uterine via your cervix by a gynecologist.

Depending on the type of IUD you get, you’ll be protected from pregnancy for three to twelve YEARS!!

There are two types of IUDs: non-hormonal/copper IUDs and hormonal IUDs. I chose to go with the copper IUD that doesn’t have any hormones. I felt like after being on hormonal birth control pills for years that maybe a little break from the hormones might be good for my body. Plus, the copper IUD prevents pregnancy for up to twelve years!!

IUD - half and bad
Hormonal IUD vs Copper IUD

Side note: I am irrationally paranoid about my fertility and that paranoia (which is totally unsubstantiated by science) also played a role in deciding to choose the non-hormonal option.

The cool thing about an IUD is once it’s in there, it’s in there. There’s no monthly trips to the pharmacy, nothing to continuously pay for, no remembering to take or change it! For twelve years!!

Speaking of the cost, I have medical insurance which resulted in the cost going from $1300 down to $125. I’m not too stoked about that $125 coming out of my pocket, BUT that’s literally the cost of five months of my birth control pills and I’ll never have to pay for birth control pills again so it’s still a win for me.

For a lot of insurances, IUDs are totally free! If you don’t have insurance, check out what Planned Parenthood can do for you (they do free and sliding scales on prices for those who need it)!

The not-cool thing about IUDs is the “scary” insertion process and the initial, short-term side effects. The insertion process is scary (until you’ve done it) and mildly painful depending on your pain tolerance (they’re literally shoving a piece of plastic or metal into a hole that’s 2.5 CENTIMETERS in diameter). The side effects for the copper IUD are heavy periods and heavy cramps for the first three months.

I’ll talk more on both of those things later!

If you want any more legit information on IUDs check on planned parenthood’s website.

Making the Appointment

Once I knew that I for sure wanted to get an IUD, I did a quick google search of all the places in my city that provided them.

I literally just googled “low cost IUDs in…”

I came across a women’s clinic that was a part of a major university’s healthcare system, so I knew they were reputable and I decided to give them a call.

As much as I hate talking on the phone, I knew I needed to call the clinic in order to get all the information I needed. I was lowkey scared of going somewhere, getting the IUD, and then getting a fat ass bill from my insurance company a month later.

That’s why when I called, the question of whether or not they took my insurance was the first question I asked.

The list of things I talked to the receptionist looked like this:

  • I made sure they took my insurance
  • Questions I had about the procedure
  • Scheduling

After confirming they took my insurance, I went ahead and made the appointment.

They suggested I made the appointment at a time that would allow me to go home and rest after the procedure, because everyone reacts differently in regards to pain, bleeding, etc.

The Actual Appointment

So, the day finally came.

They told me to take some ibuprofen before my appointment, but I forgot.

What I did do was go the ~au natural~ route and smoked beforehand.

Once I got there, I signed in and was taken back to talk to an educator.

Even though I already knew that I wanted an IUD, we discussed all the different types of birth control and which one I wanted.

I honestly went into the appointment wanting to go with the hormonal IUD, but after talking with the educator I decided on the non-hormonal copper IUD instead after the educator explained that with the hormonal IUDs, the hormones basically just live concentrated in your uterus (and that made me worried about the impact that could have on my fertility even tho there’s no evidence to support those worries ).

Then we just went over the insertion process and what to expect after, which is what we’re talking about next.

Before being taken back to the procedure room, they had me take a urine pregnancy test. Once that came back negative (🙌🏾) I was good to go for the insertion!

Once in the procedure room, the nurse had me undress from the waist down and sit on the table. She went through my medical history, gave me 800mg of ibuprofen and then went to get the doctor.

At this point I was lowkey nervous, but the clinic I went to actually provided two stress balls for you to use while you wait.

The doctor finally came in and she gave me a rundown of what to expect after the insertion. With the copper IUD, the two most common side effects are heavier bleeding during your periods and more painful cramps for the first three months after getting the IUD. These side effects should subside with time, though!

The Procedure

Disclaimer: I used to suffer from pretty atrocious periods growing up, so I am used to some pretty extreme cramps and side effects so my pain tolerance for all things vagina and uterus related may be higher than average.

First, the doctor did a finger exam to get a feel for how my cervix was positioned.

Then she used those fucking spreaders 😩. I hate those things bc I swear I have a small set vagina and they always make me feel uncomfortable with their bulky edges. Once she had me spread wide open, she used a swab to spread around some type of disinfectant into my vagina/onto my cervix. None of this really hurt, it was just a little weird like you’d expect.

Once the doctor finished with the disinfectant, it was time for her to place a clamp onto my cervix to hold it in place. This sounds worse than it is, but it did cause me to cramp for one to two seconds.

Then she inserted what is basically just a straw into my uterus. The straw is used to slide the IUD into the cervix. This part led to some more cramping and they lasted like four to five seconds this time. Once the straw was inserted my doctor then asked me to cough.

Then it was time for the actual IUD to be put in 🙈. This was definitely the worst part, but it was NO WHERE NEAR as bad as the horror stories I had read online. Like, after going through the process myself I’m convinced some of those stories of extreme pain and passing out are actually just propaganda trying to dissuade women from taking control of their reproductive rights #staywoke. Jk… kinda.

Anyways, once she slid the IUD through the straw and through my cervix into my uterus I had some intense cramping that lasted much longer this time, around ten to twenty seconds. It did get a small “ow” out of me, but even while in pain I was thinking how I’ve had period cramps worse than this lol.

Once the cramps subsided I could lowkey feel the IUD in my uterus (idk if that was real or just in my head lol). The doc then trimmed the strings, which I didn’t really feel since I was still coming down from the cramps, and then she used a q-tip to brush the strings out. Then she just retrieved her tools that were still inside my vagina and gave me a pad to put on since the disinfectant is a copper colored liquid and some people experience bleeding (I didn’t).

I drove myself home and only started to feel light cramps ten minutes later.

The Aftermath

For the rest of the day, I felt light, but constant cramping. It was more annoying and uncomfortable than painful, tbh. I also had a little bit of brown and pink discharge and a panty liner was enough to keep me covered.

It wasn’t until I went to bed that I started to feel more painful cramps. Nothing out of control though, I just took some more ibuprofen and busted out the heating pad and I fell asleep fine.

Since then, I’ve had two periods. I haven’t experienced the monstrous cramps they warned of, but the heavy bleeding? Yeah, that’s an understatement. SO. MUCH. BLOOD.

But, I’m cool with that being the only side effect that I have right now 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Overall, the whole thing wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was pretty scared going in after reading other women’s experiences on the internet, but I was very pleasantly surprised with my own personal experience!

I would definitely recommend getting an IUD to anyone who has an IUD and doesn’t want to get pregnant anytime soon.

/ Culture, Hoessentials

Hoessentials October 2018

Hoessentials October 2018 @halfandbad

Happy Fall!!!

Autumn is my favorite time of year! Autumn is all about transitions, being cozy, and all things SPOOKY.

All my Hoessentials for this month have to do with the transition into winter and getting my life together for the new year!

For more on getting my life together check out my Fall 2018 Seasonal Goals post!

Summer is long gone and Hoessentials for October kinda reflects that. Nobody over here is sad though bc… FALL! HALLOWEEN! COLD WEATHER! NEW BEGINNINGS!

Tarte Cosmetics Amazonian Clay BB Tinted Moisturizer

Hoessentials October 2018 @halfandbad

This is my holy grail product for this month.

The Amazonian Clay BB Tinted Moisturizer from Tarte Cosmetics is EVERYTHING I was looking for when shopping for new makeup after summer this year.

The Tarte website says that the bb cream is “an oil-free, vegan tinted moisturizer that offers light-to-medium coverage while blurring imperfections” and features “skin-comforting chamomile and antioxidant vitamins A, C, and E to nourish your complexion.”

Yes and yes.

Going into to fall I knew that I needed something that could be applied quickly on early mornings and would also work as a moisturizer since we’re gearing up for chillier weather (and I didn’t want my skin to take a hit like it did last winter).

That’s when I landed on BB creams and tinted moisturizers and later decided on this Tarte Amazonian Clay BB tinted moisturizer.

So far 10/10, it looks very natural, my skin feels good underneath, and it lasts all day!

Check out my detailed guide to skincare HERE!

The Ancient Solfeggio Scale

The Ancient Solfeggio Scale are six main frequencies that were used in sacred music are believed to balance and harmonize your spirit and energy.

The six main frequencies are:

  1. 396 Hz – turning grief into joy, liberating guilt and fear
  2. 417 Hz – undoing situations and facilitating change
  3. 528 Hz – transformation and miracles
  4. 639 Hz – reconnecting and balancing relationships
  5. 741 Hz – solving problems, expressions and solutions
  6. 852 Hz – awakening intuition, returning to spiritual order

I’ve been listening to different Solfeggio frequencies pretty regularly and I can honestly say I’ve felt a difference in my energy and in my life.

I’ve mainly been listening to 741 Hz as I get the best results from it. I listen to the frequencies while I’m in the car (instead of listening to music) and whenever I’m just chilling around the house.

Even if you don’t believe in the spiritual repairing and the harnessing of universal energies while listening to frequencies from the Solfeggio Scale, they at least will help decrease anxiety and bring a sense of calmness.

Infused Water

Hoessentials October 2018 @halfandbad

Another #healthyhabit that I’ve been focusing on is drinking more water! Specifically, a gallon of water a day!! Water is so important for your overall health and helps with mental clarity, clear skin and the wellbeing of your internal organs (but who cares about that when your SKIN is on the line???).

Drinking not only enough, but an optimal amount of water is *super* hard for someone who fucking hates water. Yes, I’m THAT weirdo.

So, since I’m serious about getting healthy, I had to find a way to help me guzzle down the H20. That’s when I decided to try out infusing my water with fresh fruit and veggies!

It literally makes drinking water not only enjoyable, taste wise, but FUN!! Also, you get all the healthy vitamins and antioxidants from the fruit and veggies!

My favorite combos are:

  • Strawberries
  • Cucumbers
  • Mint

and

  • Cucumber
  • Lemon
  • Mint

A Daily Planner

Hoessentials October 2018 @halfandbad

Y’all. I know I talked all about how I stay organized in this post, but I just have to rave about how getting back into using a daily planner everyday has changed my lifeeeeee.

I currently use a day designer and I love it!!

I know I also talked about using a day designer in my post about establishing healthy habits as a young adult, but I just have to mention again how AWESOME it is being on top of things. Which is why I think it makes a perfect October Hoessential because a lot of us are getting back into the swing of things with school and/or working extra hard to make sure we’re financially ready for the holidays!

Perks of my daily planner:

  • I know exactly what I’m doing each day and when
  • Filling it out every morning makes me feel relaxed AND productive at the same time
  • I never forget things

You don’t have to get an expensive one or even use anything more than old notebook, but if you’re looking to improve your time management skills or just need a place to keep track of everything then you need a daily planner.

All Things Autumn

 

Hoessentials October 2018 @halfandbad

If you can’t tell we LOVE Fall around here!

In the spirit of Fall, light up your pumpkin scented candles, get your coziest blanket, a bowl of Halloween candy, and put on Hocus Pocus!

Share below your fave hoessentials this month!

/ Hoe Tips, Sex Work

Dealing with Before Work Anxiety for Strippers

before work anxiety - half and bad

Literally, 99% of the messages and comments I get from you guys involve anxiety or nerves.

AND I TOTALLY GET IT.

To this day, I still suffer from anxiety before going to work. The anxiety and nerves that a lot of us feel before a shift is very unique. “Regular,” degular smegular jobs may cause nervousness, but the anxiety felt by a stripper is something totally different. Other employees in different fields don’t have to deal with:

Being naked (people literally have nightmares about going to work naked, and we do it WILLINGLY).

The inconsistent money

Starting the shift at a deficit

Dealing with strangers, creeps, and the law while knowing you have little to no protection

Etc.

Of course those things may make a lot of us feel anxious!!

From my very first shift, I have felt borderline intense anxiety about going to work. Once I got to work, it died down a little, and once I started making money, that anxiety would disappear!

There IS light at the end of the tunnel!!

I’m going to share with you my tried and true tips that I use to overcome anxiety before going to work!

Disclaimer: If for you, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and you experience full on, intense anxiety all the time during your shift and even before and after, then you seriously need to sit down and think about if being a stripper is really for you. There’s no shame in not doing something because it’s detrimental to your mental and emotional health.

Have a Pre-Work Routine

Doing the same routine before every shift will provide a sense of comfort!

Get ready for work the exact same way, at the same time, every time you go in. I would suggest doing the majority of your routine in the comfort of your own home. I was never one of the girls to spend time getting ready in the locker room, because I felt more calm and secure doing it in my own bathroom.

Even on nights that I went promoting before work, I would get ready the exact same way.

Nothing fancy, just consistency.

I always showered before a shift to help me relax. I would do this self-care shower routine to try and get myself to a good baseline of relaxation. Then, I’d do my makeup, my hair, and then make sure that my work bag was packed and ready to go! All of this with some good music in the background and a blunt.

Which brings me to my next tip.

Take the Edge Off

Now, listen to me VERY closely.

You should NOT be dependent on having to do drugs or drink alcohol before or during a shift in order to get through it and make money. That is the number one red flag that stripping is NOT for you.

But, I do think that “taking the edge off” is helpful for a lot of strippers who suffer from nerves or anxiety. This may mean taking your prescribed medication, smoking weed, taking a shot, etc.

YOU KNOW YOU. If it ever gets to a point where you NEED any of those things (minus any medication that is prescribed to YOU) to be a functional stripper then you seriously need to reevaluate.

For me, smoking weed helps relieve my anxiety in almost every area of my life, so smoking before work was only natural for me and is part of MY process.

Drinking as a dancer at a strip club is pretty much unavoidable and I’m not going to lie, it DID help, but when it came to the alcohol I was cognizant of my dependence on it and made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let it get out of hand. You should do the same!

In regards to anything and everything you may do to take the edge off… just don’t let it become a problem.

Listen to Calming Affirmations or Music On the Way to Work

I listen to positive and calming affirmations (find them on youtube) anytime I’m in the car!

Affirming that “I am…” secure and #blessed did wonders for ya girl’s mental mindset going into work. I would highly suggest looking into positive affirmations (like I said, just youtube “positive affirmations” and follow the instructions), it’s basically guided meditations that you can do anywhere (like when commuting to work).

The positivity, repetition, and calming nature of the videos really got me into the right headspace.

If affirmations aren’t your thing, then I think you’re favorite calming music can do the same thing!

The power of sound is immense and it’s definitely something I recommend taking advantage of.

Find Comfort in Other Dancers

Talk to other dancers in the locker room and out on the floor when it’s that limbo time between the start of your shift and the busy times.

Talking to people can take your mind off of your anxiety and nerves!

Complaining about something stripping, customer, or club related is the number 1 way to start a conversation with your fellow dancers.

My advice regarding your coworkers is to be friendly, but not too friendly (until you know someone is trustworthy). Other strippers are humans too! Having a work wife is a great way to establish something that is positive for you at work (besides $$$). Looking forward to seeing your work wife at work will help relieve some of that anxiety!

Side Note: Put on Your Big Girl Panties and Push Through for the Money

Now, like I said in the beginning if you’re having serious, debilitating anxiety at the thought of going to work, then find a new job!

But, something that helped with my mild anxiety and general nervousness was just being stern with myself.

I basically forced myself to get over myself and put my big girl panties on because this anxiety is not going to stop me from getting my money.

Some nights, it did. Some nights, I was able to push through and have really good, non-anxiety riddled nights!

For me, a major key was to just focus on making money.

Whenever it got to be too much, I took breaks from dancing (like a week off) and reevaluated if I wanted to keep dancing. I always made the decision to go back to work, because I knew myself and I knew what I wanted. You need to have these conversations with yourself, too!!

It’s okay not to go in some nights! Your mental health is a priority! You can’t make money if you’re not into it 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Every stripper deals with anxiety differently, but these are just some of my most helpful tips to deal with it. I hope they helped!!

I think pretty much everyone suffers from anxiety and nervousness at some point! Don’t feel like you’re alone and don’t be afraid to reach out for help! My inbox is always open!

What do YOU do to overcome anxiety before a shift?

/ Hoe Tips, Style

Ten Fall Fashion Essentials

fall fashion - half and bad

We are under two weeks away from the official start of fall which means it is time to start dressing accordingly!

Fall fashion is my FAVORITE fashion as it truly captures the perfect blend of comfy AND stylish!!

Everyone pretty much knows my personal style is hoe chic, which can be easily reflected through comfy, warm fall fashion finds.

I’ve compiled a list of ten hoe chic fall wardrobe essentials.

Keyword essential, because it’s important to me that the items I spend my money on are versatile and can be worn multiple times in multiple ways without getting boring or too noticeable.

So, here’s my list of ten fall fashion essentials:

1. Bike Shorts

Bike shorts are everywhere and for a reason.

Bike shorts are a casual and chic way to be super comfy. Plus they’re the perfect length to wear throughout fall while the temperature is starting to drop and they’re the perfect way to show off those curves!!

They can be dressed with anything from an oversized sweater to a crop top and with heels to booties to chunky sneakers!

bike shorts - half and bad

2. Hoodies

Hoodies CAN be perceived as immature and slobbish, BUT if styled correctly they can be a great addition to your fall wardrobe!

Hoodies are a fall fashion secret weapon, tbh.

They’ll obvi keep you warm and comfy, but they look GREAT when worn with form-fitting pants, like jeans, leggings, bike shorts, etc. and are slightly oversized, but not too much to the point of overshadowing your banging figure.

hoodies - half and bad

3. Crop Tops

Some good ol’ crop tops are definitely a fall fashion essential.

Cropped t-shirts, long-sleeved shirts, bralettes, and sweaters add a trendy, provocative impact to ANY outfit.

People will really think you’re doing something when you literally just threw on a crop top and boyfriend jeans or sweats LOL. It’s the easiest way to look cute af without much effort.

crop tops - half and bad

 

4. Oversized Shirts

An oversized shirt is my fall fashion HOLY GRAIL.

An oversized t-shirt can literally be worn as a dress with boots for a casual happy hour look or with bike shorts and sneakers for an 8am class.

Oversized long-sleeved shirts and sweaters add a comfy layer to leggings or shorts, but be careful not to look too disheveled and be thoughtful in pairing accessories and the rest of your look.

oversized shirts - half and bad

5. Denim Jackets

A perfectly worn-in denim jacket is the BEST layering item for fall.

It’ll keep you warm and looking trendy and put together af.

My favorite way to wear a denim jacket is with neutrals!

denim jacket - half and bad

6. Fluffy Sweaters and Puffer Jacket

Comfy outer wear = fall fashion essential

Soft, warm, AND unique??? What more can you ask for???

Fluffy sweaters and puffer jackets are super simple additions that will make you stand out in a good way while also making you feel physically comfortable!

fluffy and puffer - half and bad

7. Chunky Sneakers

Sneakers are back in and the chunky ones at that. They’re comfy and will keep your toes warm in the fall weather!

Chunky sneakers started their comeback with the Balenciaga Triple S Trainers and now every trendy fashion provider has an option that is cute and affordable.

They’re often paired with bike shorts and leggings to add a trendy factor to a lounge look.

chunky sneakers - half and ad

8. Booties

Booties will make any fall outfit FASHION.

Plus, warm toes.

Win win.

booties - half and bad

 

 

9. Baseball Caps

#Nobadhairdaysallfall2018

Is the weather not agreeing with your hair? NO PROBLEM BC BASEBALL CAPS LOOK CUTE AF ON EVERYONE.

Wear your hair down, in a bun, or in a pony under a baseball cap with literally any outfit and you’ll be one part HOT, one part mysterious, and one part practical, I’m telling ya.

baseball cap - half and bad

10. Crossbody Bags

A crossbody bag is a must-have fall accessory.

I think crossbody bags are so popular for fall because it just adds an extra layer to any outfit and fall fashion is all about those layers!

I would def stick with fall colors like nudes, tans, browns, black, etc.

crossbody - half and bad

Honorable Mention: Fanny Packs

The fanny pack is this year’s fall fashion honorable mention because although a fanny pack is a summer festival staple, they make a great summer to fall transition statement!

Make a fanny pack a fall accessory by sticking with neutral tones and leave behind the glitter, fringe, and metallics of summer.

fanny pack - half and bad

You might have noticed that a reoccurring theme of this list of Ten Fall Fashion Essentials is comfy!!

That’s because comfort is the essence of fall fashion and contrary to popular belief comfort doesn’t have to mean slobbish or undone, as shown by the items and outfits showcased in this list!

What are YOUR fall fashion essentials?

Comment below 👇🏽

/ Advocacy, Culture

4 Ways to Spot a Toxic Influencer Online

toxic influencer - half and bad

This rant post is 100% inspired by the amazing conversation that Jameela Jamil had on the Ways to Change the World podcast.

Jameela has sparked a much needed conversation on influencers and the toxicity they promote, as well as why they’ve been allowed to go unchecked for so long.

I cannot stress to you enough how important it is that you’re aware of the negative and damaging content that’s all over social media and the impact it can have your wellbeing!!

This post is going to first start with double agents of the patriarchy and then transition into toxic influencers.

These subjects are SO closely related and you need to know about these double agents of the patriarchy to help you understand why some of these influencers can be so toxic and how to spot them.

Double Agents of the Patriarchy

Jameela Jamil described a double agent of the patriarchy as a woman who puts out and benefits off of a patriarchal narrative.

Let’s break this down.

The patriarchy is a social system where males/men hold the primary power and control, at the expense of others.

Jameela is basically saying that any woman who promotes the patriarchy, especially for personal gain, all while promoting female empowerment, is a FRAUD.

While Jameela was directly referencing social media influencers who promote products like those stupid diarrhea shakes or appetite-suppressing lollipops, I was left wondering whether strippers and other sex workers were included in this category of double agents of the patriarchy?

After ~careful considerdation~ I thinks it’s safe to say that sex workers are NOT automatically double agents of the patriarchy.

The patriarchy’s mission is to rob women of their power, especially when it comes to control over the female body. A sex worker, profiting off of her own body, is exercising control and agency over how she interacts with and is perceived by her male clients. Unless, she is doing this at the EXPENSE of other women (by shitting on other women or portraying herself as superior to other women due to her attractability to men, etc.) then she is NOT a double agent of the patriarchy.

Jameela clarifies that these double agents of the patriarchy are selling us poison and are basically just recycling hatred.

I LOVE the term “recycled hatred” because that’s exactly what I see going on both online and in “real life.” It’s like people can’t help but put out the negativity that they have absorbed, back into the world for others to consume. It’s awful.

Being a double agent of the patriarchy is a total betrayal against women.

I know what some of y’all might say:

“iT’s nOT mY JoB to wORrY aBoUT anD LifT UP OTheR WOmEn, I DiD iT aLL oN MY OwN sO THeY CaN toO”

spongebob

If you’re that type of bitch then get the fuckkkkkkk off of my blog!!!!!!

Half & Bad is NOT for you if you’re not about recycling POSITIVE energy and about female EMPOWERMENT and about building a platform to HELP OTHERS.

👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽

Greed is no excuse!! I don’t care how much you get paid to contribute to any type of oppression. You are the epitome of a raggedy bitch if you benefit from hurting others, directly or indirectly. That goes for men and women.

Toxic Influencers

Some of the biggest double agents of the patriarchy are social media influencers.

These are what I like to call toxic influencers.

Not only are these toxic influencers promoting the patriarchy for self-serving reasons, they’re doing it by spreading lies and negativity!

I’m hoping by telling you this, we can all become more wary and critical consumers of social media. If we’re able to identify the bullshit and the toxicity and the unhealthy media, then we can filter it out and decide whether or not what we’re consuming is going to help or hurts us- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

4 Ways to Spot a Toxic Influencer

1. Toxic influencers promote toxic beauty standards

Toxic beauty standards are unrealistic and come at the expense of the majority of women.

Off the bat, there’s nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery *by itself*. But when you combine body and facial reconstruction with lies and double agents of the patriarchy, THEN we have a big problem.

Girls and young women are especially impressionable and often naïve.

My problem isn’t with bodies, it’s with the lies that often come from a source of shame and guilt that the patriarchy instills in women for not naturally having these perfect unrealistic bodies. *This* is part of why some women lie about the work they’ve had done on themselves.

You don’t have to look a certain way to get attention or success. That’s the tea they don’t want you to know.

2. Toxic influencers promote toxic products

It’s especially sickening to really think about how some of these toxic influencers are making thousands and thousands of dollars off of promoting an appetite suppressing lollipop to help obtain a “flat tummy” when their own flat tummies are only flat because they got the fat sucked out through a tube by a Miami surgeon.

It’s honestly a public health issue.

You have women and girls consuming these images of women with bodies that CAN NOT BE NATURALLY OBTAINED with adverts by these same women for diet supplements claiming they’ll help you obtain their bodies. It’s TOXIC and is contributing to the declining mental health of women everywhere.

Diet supplements, workout plans, treatments like lip plumping serums or acne treatments often fall under the category of “toxic products.”

“Let me sell you this lip plumping gloss that I use on my lip filler filled lips!”

“Let me promote this acne spot treatment without telling you about all the facials and skin lasering I get done once a week!”

Don’t let them fool you like this!!!

By not showing the behind the scenes surgeries, treatments, rigorous workout regimens, and expensive, strict diets, these toxic influencers setting up their followers for failure.

3. Toxic influencers don’t show the real them

For a lot of social media influencers, there’s no such thing as a candid photo.

That’s ~fine~.

What isn’t fine is staging photos and trying to portray them as everyday life and candid.

This particular form of deception is best summed up by this tweet that recently went viral:

(Yes, those are tortillas posed to look like pancakes 🤦🏽‍♀️ go through the rest of the twitter thread to see the other major staging that took place to make this photo happen)

Watch your back, cause these things will really start to fuck with your head and make you think twice about your own life if you’re not careful.

4. Toxic influencers only focus on materialistic things

Influencers on social media make a lot of money from promoting and selling things on social media.

But that doesn’t mean their entire profile should be sponsored posts or paid ads, especially when those ads are solely focused on tangible products.

As human beings, we should all be doing something to contribute to making our joint experiences on this earth better. And not just for ourselves.

Some of my favorite influencers promote the products that make them money, but they also promote positivity and wellness in whatever form that looks like for them!

It is possible to be a good person and make money lol.

The patriarchy is a beast. Social media is a whole different beast.

Together they’re deadly.

Take care of yourselves, especially when it comes to your mental health.

Disconnect, log off, take a breath, live YOUR life.

/ Career, Empowered Women, Sex Work

A Career After Stripping: The Next Chapter

career - half and bad

You can’t be a stripper forever. And that’s a fact.

I know most of us love stripping. The money is great and it’s fun, what more can you ask for?? But it’s finite. I’m not that bitch who’s going to lie to you. I don’t want anyone to be that woman who wakes up one day and is just like… fuck.

We all have three options when it comes to defining our future financial success:

  1. Save extremely hard for the future so that you can retire early
  2. Get another job once you hang up your pleasers
  3. Find a career

A career is different than any old job. A job is something you do to pass the time and make money to survive. A career should be a series of long-term employment opportunities that are both financially stable and personally fulfilling.

Me? I’m with finding a career.

But, pursuing a career is HARD. Pursuing a career as a stripper is even HARDER.

That’s why we’re going to navigate this TOGETHER.

This is going to be an on-going series on Half & Bad with more tips, guidance, and free downloadable content so make sure you subscribe!

School vs No School

The only formal education you NEED is a high school

A college degree (associates, bachelors, or beyond) is extremely helpful when it comes to pursuing a career, but it’s not everything.

Higher education is super fucking expensive and often inaccessible, which is why I won’t be spending too much time talking about education in this post.

Just know that it does help, but if a degree isn’t on you resume right now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t find the career of your dreams.

The hard truth: a degree will open many doors for you.

BUT, it won’t get you through the door. That’s all on you.

Think of it this way, to get a degree and a job after graduation you’re going to need to GRIND.

To get a career opportunity without a degree, you’re going to need to HUSTLE.

Fortunately, us strippers and hoes know a thing or two about hustling AND grinding.

Finding Your Lane

The best careers are fueled by passion and natural prowess.

Your career should be purposeful to you and enjoyable, while also something that you can do.

If you’re still reading at this point, it means that we’re all here to not just get a job, but to pursue a career that is intentional and fulfilling.

That’s why you need to find your passion.

Now a person can have many passions, obviously, but the key to a great career is finding a passion that is profitable.

Some questions to ask yourself:

What am I good at?

What do I love doing?

What do I need to realistically support myself and my responsibilities?

What will I honestly be okay doing for long periods of time?

Keep in mind that many careers involve growth, changes, and shifts. Nobody is asking you to be stagnant.

If you don’t have the answer to any or all of those answers, IT’S OKAY!!

To help you answer those questions and find a career venture that you’re excited about, there’s a ton of things you can do!

Research

A lot of my favorite online publications have a series of interviews with interesting and different career women that I find super insightful and helpful!

My favorite is The Every Girl’s Career Profiles. They go into detail with badass women from many different industries on their careers and how they got to the place they’re at now!

My absolute fave was the profile they did on the Women of the FLOTUS Office (and by FLOTUS we mean Michelle Obama forever and always).

I know Cosmopolitan.com and Glamour.com do similar things as well!

Read

Read articles, books, blog posts like this one, etc.

One of my favorite things to do is go to Barnes & Noble for an hour or two and just browse their business and personal growth section.

The employees at B&N don’t mind you taking time to sit and read any of the books, even if you have no intention of buying them! I do it alllll the time SHRUG.

Talk to others for inspiration, advice, and insight

If you’re truly stumped on what to do, consult friends, families, customers, etc. Basically just talk to anyone who knows you!

Often times, the people you surround yourself with notice and admire SOMETHING about you. They might point out certain skills that you have, such as you’re the best pole dancer in the club and taught all the newbies some pole tricks, or that you mention your puppy at least twice a shift.

Both of those things can be used to create a career!! Um, hello, stripper turned pole dance instructor turned owner of her own dance studio and helloooo, stripper who volunteers at an animal shelter who then becomes an employee, who then becomes a vet tech.

Look at your life

What is it filled with? What are your priorities?

I promise you there’s something there than can lead to something more!

If you need more advice on finding that passion, interest, skill, or hobby that you can turn into $$$ my DMs are always open!!

Lack of Experience

Regardless of education and previous jobs, a major barrier for a lot of dancers (and young people in general) is our lack of experience in the “real world work force.”

For dancers, it’s often VERY awkward trying to explain that gap on your resume. Depending on the opportunity you’re applying for, it’s most likely not smart to put your stripping/club experience on your resume.

People hate sex workers. Even our highest paying customers don’t respect us or our brains. That’s just the way it is and while many of us are actively advocating and working towards changing the perception of all types of sex workers, we need to be realistic and work with what we’ve got.

The cool thing about our profession is that our schedules are often flexible and a lot of us only work at night.

That means, unlike a lot of people working other types of jobs, we have the time and resources to gain experience (especially since our finances are already being taken care of).

Internships

INTERNSHIPS COUNT AS WORK EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!

Internships aren’t JUST for students.

An internship is basically just working for a company or organization for a short period of time (usually between three months to a year), but instead of being employed by the company, your experience will be more geared towards exposing you to the field you’re in and learning about different jobs and aspects of that field. Most of the time they’re unpaid, which #sucks, but is often doable for students AND STRIPPERS!!

Intern during the day, dance at night.

Most internships are part time and flexible, meaning you can spread your hours however you’d like and could even pick up a few day shifts at the club, too.

Internships are a great, no commitment way to try new areas of interest and to see if what you’re passionate about is really for you.

For example, I interned at a felon re-entry program (we helped men (mostly of color) who had been incarcerated for over ten years transition back into society) and I learned that I was tiredttttt of working with men and tired of the TOUGH work that is anything related to criminal justice. That internship helped my refocus on what it was that really I wanted to do in life.

The great thing about internships are that, since they’re unpaid, most places that you’ll be applying at won’t require ANY experience, cause that’s the point of the internship!

Plus, I know many, many stories of people getting offered jobs at the end of their internship! It’s a great way to get your foot in the door (there’s that analogy again) and show an employer that you work hard af and that you’re smart af and that they should hire you!

Search for internships just like you would a job. If you have a specific company or organization in mind already, just call them off! Most places are willing to take on an intern even if they’re not advertising for one (because it’s free work lol).

Volunteer

Volunteering is like interning just without the commitment!

Animal shelters, schools, daycare centers, hospitals, non-profits, etc., etc., all take volunteers on a regular basis!!

Volunteering is much more flexible too, there’s zero time commitment and you can literally bounce around from place to place until you find something that you really like!

Network

As strippers, our customers come from all walks of life.

We all know a doctor, a businessman, a lawyer, teacher, literally so many professionals walk through the door of a strip club.

Take advantage of this!!

Network and promote the shit out of yourself!!

Even if it’s just getting some resume tips, interview advice from a CEO, or a small odd job that could turn into a bigger career opportunity!

One of my best friends (who doesn’t have a college degree) did receptionist work for her lawyer sugar daddy and that turned into the biggest resume booster that got her a job at a non-profit that has since turned into a career she’s really passionate about!

Start preparing for you future NOW, set yourself up for success NOW, and I promise you it will all be worth it.

Not everyone wants a career, not everyone wants out of the club, some people are perfectly content doing what they can to just get by.

But, if you’re here, on H&B, we’re the ones trying to thrive, not just survive.